Category: romance

What does autism mean to you?

If you hear the word ‘autism’, what is the first image that springs to mind? That will depend on your exposure, won’t it.

I was in my 50s when I was diagnosed in 2023. Autism or signs of autism start to show from around 2 years old, but when I was that age, autism was viewed very differently. PubMed is a database of clinical publications and research. Clinical journals from as ‘late’ as 1978, the year that I started in senior school, were still using words phrases like ‘severely dsyfunctional’ or ‘retarded’. Yet, in primary school, where we were streamed according to academic ability, I was in the top set. When I started in my primary school, I remember being tested for my reading ability at age 8. The school used a series called “Through the Rainbow”. At age 8, I was on to the top books in the range, the Silver and Gold readers, which were not to be taken home as the child was believed to be advanced enough to not need practice.

So, how did that equate with words like ‘retarded’? Quite clearly, it did not, particularly considering that I passed my 11+ test at the age of 10, and started senior school a year early, one of five girls in my year.

From age 12, I had a list on my bedroom wall of what was required to be a solicitor. My parents had decided that would be my career. I was a good girl, quiet and studious, and quite different to my ‘bold as brass’ sister. I didn’t question that path. I didn’t question when we ‘chose’ our O levels, which leant heavily on Arts, with no s wince whatsoever. My A-levels were chosen from that same list. I remember I was sitting in the barbecue area of the pub car park, when I opened the results envelope, knowing I needed two Bs and one C to study Law at Leicester.

Well, I didn’t go to Leicester.

I recall feeling that I had disappointed my parents in a big way, and that it was my fault. Can you imagine what it feels like to sit down for a History exam and be unable to remember a single date?

Of course now, we would refer to this as burnout. But back then?

Back then, it wasn’t called burnout, not for me. Like I said, I felt like a failure. After two years of study, after grading straight As in timed essays, I couldn’t remember a single date.

My mother suggested a secretarial course, as there would always be a need for secretaries. How things have changed.

One year later, one Linguist Secretarial course later, and I was ready to enter the workplace at the Faculty of Classics in Cambridge.

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT THRILLING EPISODE.

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Don’t forget to buy my books!

If you would like to support me without buying a book, you could buy me a coffee: https://ko-fi.com/anautisticauthor

The joys of being autistic

It’s January. Time to knock some stereotypes on the head. Will I make a difference? Who knows? Perhaps if even a fifth of the people following my Blog shared this post on social media … Will you be amongst that group?

Image courtesy of The Autistic Teacher

Shall we start by making one thing absolutely clear: I AM AUTISTIC. It is not something from which I suffer, and it is not preventable, caused by vaccines or my personal favourite, because I hadn’t been a good (insert religious persuasion here).

My brain is wired differently. A computer running Linux and a computer running Windows can both run a word processing program, but they do so slightly differently.

This guy is worth following also

So what does it mean, being autistic? What springs to mind when you say the word? In my sister’s case, it was something shameful. Yet my father, who was in the throes of dementia, was cool with the fact that I was the same daughter he knew.

For me? I don’t like sudden noises, or shrill noises. Imagine if you had a screaming playground of kids around you constantly? That’s how it can seem to my brain. That is why you may see a lot of autistics wearing headphones or earbuds. Okay, the whole world seems to wear them, but the whole world is not autistic. How I learn something new can be different. I can pick up languages relatively quickly, but learning a new system may take a bit longer, particularly if I am taught in a haphazard manner.

For example, if you start a new job, would you rather have a training plan where you cross off each new skill or procedure? Or would you be okay with your trainer picking a topic at random, or even worse saying they had covered something without giving you the chance to confirm it?

Follow The Autistic Teacher

Hang on a sec, all that is not that different from non-autistics … Let’s revisit that one later, shall we?

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Don’t forget to buy my books, by the way.

Find the Diaries of the Cwn Annwn on Amazon

What if legends still walked among us?

#shifterromance #shapeshifter #mythsandlegends #welshlegend #wolfshifter #romancebooks #romanceseries #indieauthor #indieauthorsofinstagram #kindleunlimited #kindleseries #iamwriting

So many free books!

One of the things that I added to my resume recently was that, as a self-published author, I had to learn about marketing my books. After all, Amazon won’t do it for me. And, of course, it is not a good look to lose track of which sort of initiative one intends to run and where.

Adverts: Facebook or Amazon? Outlets: go wide or stick with Kindle Unlimited? Newsletter builders: do people even read them? Newsletter costs: the likes of Mailchimp only allow a maximum of addresses on their free accounts, and that does not remove the non-responders or unsubscribers. Author book fairs? Free book initiatives? Price reduction initiatives?

As I have mentioned before, I am autistic. Too much ‘stuff’ will lead to meltdown, So, I need to have this organised. Dates are always key. For example, I will be taking part in ‘ZoeBub’ which is a massive free book initiative, with over 1000 romance books available to download to an e-reader FOR FREE, on one day every quarter. The expectation is that each author will publicise the event both in the run-up and on the day when social media will need to be absolutely wall-papered with notifications and posts.

So for one day, you have to be tweeting constantly? It is one of those things where the more you post, the better the response is likely to be. The website is http://www.romancebookworms.com

That wasn’t so difficult.

But then, you have special offers.

My short story, Cân Y Môr, is in the “Shift You Not” anthology, which is on a special price via Amazon for 99c or 77p. That’s it, less that a dollar or a pound for an anthology. This particular anthology is only available until 5 July, so grab it while you can

That will be all for now. I need to ensure that this information is also in my newsletter and need to send that out, after incorporating all the names from my last newsletter builder.

Legends come from stories. Stories are told of deeds. Deeds are committed by those who have walked the earth. But what if the creatures of those legends still walked the earth, still doing those deeds which have made them legends? Welcome to the world of the Cwn Annwn, Guardians of the Celtic Underworld, in service to Mallt-y-Nos.

Born in Wales as Henry VII took the throne, Gabriel Black serves an ancient goddess. A visit to the Carpathians introduces him to his Mate, Aaleahya. Sometimes he helps humans. Sometimes he cannot help them. Sometimes the losses he must face make him wonder if it is even worth it?

Dare you walk in his world?

The Diaries of the Cwn Annwn is a myth and legend inspired series written by a group of friends around the world. As of 2022, there are eight books in the series with more to come.

Keep your spirits up!

I am the sort of person who was proud to have been in paid employment since I started working. So the realisation that, give or take, it has been a year, gave me pause for thought. That was a big gap in my CV.

Let’s face it. One of the questions either on an application form or if you are granted an interview

Now, I could use some of that toxic popularity that is so popular on well-being pages, like tomorrow is another day or the right opportunity is just around the corner.

What I find does help is to have other plans than finding a job. Sure, money is tight, so living it up is probably not an option. Today, for example, I made some experimental chocolate cookies. I suspect they will be as bitter as anything, as I may have overdone the amount of cocoa, but hey, that’s why the gods invented custard. If you have a garden, spend some time out there. I was really surprised at the amount of birdsong today. Go for a walk. And window-shopping costs nothing.

There will be good days, and there will be bad days. On a bad day, even if you just sit by the back door and daydream, that is a step in a good direction. One step at a time has always been my motto.

That new job will come.

And by the way, stay tuned for a fantastic offer at the end of June …

Continue reading “Keep your spirits up!” →

Time to reset: Discovering myself (Part 3)

This is the difficult bit. At the time of writing, I am yet to find a job. In fact, the last six months is the longest that I have been out of work since I was nineteen. With that, comes the reason why I decided to switch to using a pen name for my romance novels. As anyone who has tried applying for a role which involves an application via a company’s website, there is the question of whether the applicant is disabled or requires any adjustments.

My son taking part in a Run Archery event

The problem is that in declaring a non-visible disability, does it put the applicant at a disadvantage?

Let’s go back a couple or three decades when I was making my first forays into the world of employment. My parents thought that, since I had failed to achieve the grades needed to study Law and become a solicitor, the world of banking might be an alternative. I had an interview at one bank which will remain nameless where the bank manager stated that I would probably be marrying and having children before long. To say I was surprised was an understatement. Yes, I had a boyfriend, and chances were that we would marry at some point, but to have this total stranger assume I would have children, and therefore, leave my job?

Of course, now, employers can’t ask those sorts of questions. But I can’t help but feel that the disability question has taken its place. All employers claim that they adhere to the relevant rules, but do they? Or, do they look at an applicant with even a hidden disability and mentally shake their heads?

I have had one manager, who said she had worked with autistic people. She may well have, but not all autistic people are the same. Another manager, who had already admitted that she wanted rid of me, was also told I was autistic. Her attitude was that it didn’t matter, that I still had to pull my weight. And yes, there would come a point where I would slip up and she could be rid me as she wanted.

And that brings us to the issue of why would I choose to use a pen name. Simple enough. I write paranormal romance. Of all the sub-genres of romance, it is the one which almost guarantees ‘steam’. So, yes, I write sex scenes. Are you able to imagine how frustrating it is to be asked if my books are like FSOG? Or, do I give free copies to colleagues?

On that note, I shall leave you. As Mental Health Awareness month draws to a close, please look after yourselves. As a survivor, I discovered that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

A random chocolate brownie cake, coated in chocolate ganache and giant milk chocolate drops

Time to reset: Discovering myself (Part 2)

Welcome back. So much for me writing a blog post every week. So we jump from late February to mid-April and Autism Acceptance Month.

Back in February, I identified four problems that arose from the discovery that I was likely autistic:

  1. ‘proving’ that I was autistic,
  2. family acceptance,
  3. perception of total strangers and
  4. perception of work colleagues.

Proving that I am autistic

Is self-diagnosis any less valid than an official diagnosis? I was restocking some shelves in the branch of The Works where I was working when this discussion came up. My Assistant Manager had a son who was ‘really’ autistic in her words. She described him. She felt that because I did not display the same symptoms of being autistic as her son, then I could not be autistic. Now, the thing about autism is that it is a spectrum. This graphic from the CAMHS Professionals website tries to explain the perception vs actuality:

The point is that being on the autism spectrum is not a straight line. I am not ‘less autistic’ than my former colleague’s son. We are both autistic, but we have different ways that autism affects us. So, because the way that autism affects me, does not mean I am less autistic.

How does this link to self-diagnosis vs an ‘official’ diagnosis? There have been times when because of the doubts over the validity of self-diagnosis, that I have wondered was I truly autistic? H|owever, as the diagram indicates, the autistic spectrum comprises different facets of a personality and the different levels in each of those facets. That said, I think I will be relieved to receive an official diagnosis, if only because it will help address ‘problems’ #2 and #4.

Family Acceptance

Ironically, part of the process of official diagnosis as an adult is that the clinician needs to speak to family members in order to gather their recollections of me as a child, and whether I displayed missed signs of being autistic. Apparently my voracious reading is one some indication. Bear in mind that we are talking between 1970 and 1985, so we shall have to wait and see what comes of that.

Work Colleagues

This is the biggie. April is Autism Acceptance Month. Yet, it is still necessary for me to feel I can’t declare that I am on the autistic spectrum in order to find a well-paying job.

Time to reset: Discovering myself (Part 1)

Welcome to British Summer Time, that dreaded moment when the clocks ‘leap forward’, we lose an hour’s sleep and the digs are as confused as hell that breakfast is early and dinner is just confusing.

As I sit here waiting for the DVLA (driving licence people) to answer the phone, I was pondering on my decision to change the page I have used to date just for promoting my books to something a bit more.

Four years ago, I discovered that I scored quite high on a questionnaire to determine whether I was on the autistic spectrum. I wasn’t surprised. Too many things started to make sense. For some, late diagnosis meant being diagnosed in their 20s or 30s. I was 51 years old. Of course, I still had people who didn’t believe that this was possible. How could I have not known for 50 or so years? Both strangers, colleagues and my own family reacted differently.

My employer at the time, The Works, said it wasn’t a problem. After all, the son of our HR Partner was autistic. His father had about an inch of paperwork to prove it. Did I have such a document? That was problem #1.

Then my sister said I shouldn’t tell anyone. She was concerned that people would look at me, and her, differently. Problem #2.

Then there was how total strangers perceived the word ‘autistic’. One female customer sympathised with me, saying she worked with autistic people. I mentioned having a neuroscience-based degree. She decided to remain silent. Such perceptions made Problem #3.

Related to that was the perception of colleagues, those with whom I worked on a daily basis. Problem #4 could be summed up in a colleague saying how much she admired how much people with autism could achieve. Well, ouch!

See the whole series of the Diaries of the Cwn Annwn here: https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08WL17FTX

Inspiring a love scene

Let’s face it. Paranormal romance has an expectation of love scenes. Depending on the author, that can be a fade-to-black scene, left to the reader’s imagination, or it can be blow by blow, full-on, spicy sex.

For me, it has always depended on the character. For example, Fane Anghelescu, my Hellhound Alpha, has a forceful personality, although he would not attack a female. However, he is an incubus, and increases his power through sex magic. For him, the more enjoyable and involved the act, the power he will generate, as this illustrates:

Taking a shower … such a simple, everyday action. And yet, with you my little Hunter, that simplicity is more. The pulse of your blood in your neck, as you tilt you lips to mine. Your lips, slightly parted, inviting me to taste, to savour your passion. 

The feel of your body beneath my hands, lithe, yet your skin slick with the woody scent of liquid soap. My hand is beneath your chin, holding, imprisoning, but who is the prisoner? Who is the captive? Is my little Hunter caught, and has she entrapped the wolf? Does the wolf care? 

Love did not make me weak. It gave me purpose. It showed me the value of caring. And no matter what, your love and the memories of our moments together will remind me and keep me strong

In comparison, we have Casimir, the so-called Psycho Gosselin. By his own admission, he has done things which are despicable. He acknowledges that he is far from saintly. It would not be wrong to say he despises that character he must portray. Only with other members of the Hellfire Pack can he let his guard down. He had never expected to find a Mate, so to realise that Daniela is his Mate makes her all the more precious to him. In return, Daniela appreciates the image he must portray. With her encouragement, he is able to close the chasm of misunderstanding with his sister Alix.

When it comes down to it, every author needs inspiration, so I shall close with the video that gave me just the ambiance I needed for Gavril and Aaleahya, the leads of the Cwn Annwn. With them, it was a love affair that lasted over 200 years until Aaleahya was killed. In ‘Alpha’, Gavril is wondering whether he will find his Mate, or will he suffer the fate of his own dam? A trip to the Carpathians and he meets Aaleahya, a Roma girl. There was no need for him to be the stereotypical ‘alpha male’, because they were so well matched. She was a strong female, for all that her Mate was older than her.

Tenderness by Thomas Synnamon

See the whole series of the Diaries of the Cwn Annwn here: https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08WL17FTX

Family

Over the New Year, I have been spending some time with my parents, both of whom have dementia. They remember family members but short term memory is not good. It brought to mind the importance that family play in our stories, as we discover more about them and through them about ourselves.

Family: all generations

When I was planning the first story in my series, I wanted Gavril’s history to begin with the Tudor age, even though he would have the appearance of a male in his early thirties. Other details had to be adjusted to fit, such as his daughter appearing to be in her 20s by World War 2 but in reality being in her 80s.

So many things would have happened in the course of his lifetime. One of my more recent series, “Daughters of the Ddraig”, features a reimagined Ddraig Goch of Wales. Like Gavril, he looks younger than his true age. Over the years, he has seen his family grow and change. Would a school seem different if it was known that actual dragons were amongst the students?

This is only a short post, as I have to hit the road soon. I will close by saying that, I hope you will make time to find out more about your family before it is too late. Before dementia robs you of your past. Good or bad, it is still worth knowing and understanding.

RELEVANT LINKS FOR JO PILSWORTH

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/JKPilsworth Paranormal may not be your thing. Urban fantasy may not either. But who knows? I may be one of your friends new favourite author. Inspired by #Legends an #UrbanFantasy series.

Alpha: https://t.co/IRZLR92AFu

Beta: https://t.co/DGDDI03VB9

Merysekhmet (US link): https://t.co/fFOUm5MHUs Toho: https://t.co/oKtbDgrqiHhttps://t.co/mGMuJWd6Xd

Medved: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07C19QKPH

AMAZON LINKS

Alpha (US link): https://t.co/IRZLR92AFu

Beta: https://t.co/DGDDI03VB9

Merysekhmet (US link): https://t.co/fFOUm5MHUs

Toho: (US link): https://t.co/oKtbDgrqiHhttps://t.co/mGMuJWd6Xd

Medved: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07C19QKPH

Starting from scratch

When do you realise that you have to reset the chessboard of your life? I have never viewed being an author as something that would make my proverbial fortune. If I had a few people who liked my books, that would be great, since I intended to write alongside having a day job.

But, as Mercedes Lackey said, great plans only lead to great funerals. It is always a good idea to allow some flex. In changing jobs back in April this year, I did not expect that my new employers would have lied to the extent that they did over the need to run a busy town centre store on my own. Also, I didn’t expect that my boss would be that clueless in terms of a lack of days off in a working week. I worked ten days. She said it could have been nine, and then I could have two days off, but she missed the point: by then, it was too late. I am on the autism spectrum. I had a meltdown. That means my memory goes sideways at the very least. Then again, the same boss suggested that it was my responsibility to find someone to replace me when I phoned in sick.

I found another job, but similar issues occurred. This time I had ‘declared’ being a person on the autistic spectrum. However, the area manager felt that I should still be able to remember everything during one of the most disorganised training periods I have undergone. she also did not take into account the cognitive function issues of a diabetic hypo.

Where does that leave me? Unemployed, and able to spend time on my writing for the first time in over a year. Hence resetting the chess board.

Where does it leave my future subscribers and readers of my books. The good news is that FINALLY, I can finish some of the first draft stories, and I have a new short story in a soon-to-be-published anthology (link below). This story was born from wanting to have a story featuring the British Royal Marines, and orca-shifters, because I thought that of all the animals which could be shifters, no one had covered orcas to any great extent.

“Shift You Not” will be out in January 2023 as an e-book. Other plans include taking part in an author event in Cambridge on 7 October 2023 at the Holiday Inn Express in Histon, which is just of the A14 trunk road, with plenty of car parking. Again, tickets may be bought from now.

So that is all for now, dear Readers. It is decidedly cold in my house at the moment, as with the cost of living issue, coupled with being unemployed, I have been trying to avoid putting on the heating. I have admitted defeat and the heating in going on, while I need to find a wooly hat.

I hope that you have a pleasant end to 2022, and I shall do my best to be a bit more regular in my posts.

UK link for the Diaries of the Cwn Annwn: https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08WL17FTX
US link for the Diaries of the Cwn Annwn: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WL17FTX

Pre-order link for Shift You Not: https://books2read.com/SU17