Everyone knows Roald Dahl. James and the Giant Peach was my first of his stories, but I also enjoyed his very adult Tales of the Unexpected.
But did you know that he was a strong advocate of vaccination? Did you know he lost a child, his eldest daughter Olivia, just before the introduction of measles vaccination?
So … the human who had the temerity to interview my traitorous and former Alpha, Fane Anghelescu, has let me have my ‘day in the sun’. I would like to point out that for a Hell-dwelling Sumerian demoness, sunlight is vastly over-rated. Why you humans have to partially cook yourself and then decry the actions of those with darker skins is enough to make even my head spin.
Who am I? I shall let this Wikipedia give the basic outline.
In Mesopotamian mythology, Lamashtu (AkkadiandLa-maš-tu; Sumerian Dimme dDim3-me) was a female demon, monster, malevolent goddess or demigoddess who menaced women during childbirth and, if possible, kidnapped their children while they were breastfeeding. She would gnaw on their bones and suck their blood, as well as being charged with a number of other evil deeds. She was a daughter of the Sky God Anu.
Lamashtu by Niiko117 on Deviant Art
Lamashtu is depicted as a mythological hybrid, with a hairy body, a lioness‘ head with donkey‘s teeth and ears, long fingers and fingernails, and the feet of a bird with sharp talons. She is often shown standing or kneeling on a donkey, nursing a pig and a dog, and holding snakes. She thus bears some functions and resemblance to the Mesopotamian demon Lilith.
But, I digress from the subject of this post. Bad Boys and Girls. And please, not those bad boys who come good by the end of the novel. This is an ode to the ones who work so hard to ensure that your beloved heroes and heroines are able to save the day. And, let me make one thing clear. Daughter of Anu I may be, but no god dictates what I do. That is all my choice and I am a female who enjoys what must be done.
Surely we deserve to be praised for our efforts? Oh, what’s that I hear from the meat-sack hanging on my wall? I won’t win. Never! Tsk! Tsk! The loss of one skirmish does not mean the loss of the war, darlings. Far from it. After all, the Great War which should have ended by Christmas resulted in World War 2. The first Gulf War led to another. And whilst I am on the subject, thank you all so much for the fresh-killed souls.
Map showing location of Sumer in relation to modern landmarks of Egypt and Persian Gulf
You see, that’s what will always make things interesting. I have been around for a few millennia. You pathetic humans have a life-span of less that a hundred years, you poor things. A mere blink of an eye. Is it my fault that you have forgotten where Sumeria USED to be? No, that was all your own work. However, it is all to my benefit. You see, your omission in the sands of time means that whilst you tootle off to wage your wars for the fossil fuels so necessary to the internal combustion engine, every single drop of blood spilled on my homeland strengthens me. Every single drop. Yes, occasionally the Cwn Annwn interfere, but it is not their home turf, which puts them at a disadvantage.
Ram Boneh, model inspiration for Fane Anghelescu
I thought I had found the perfect Alpha Hellhound to be my representative ‘topside’. The problem was, an annoying little enemy of mine, an Eastern European, had the gall to attempt to outwit me. It transpired that Fane was his grandson: Hellhound mother and demi-god father. My next choice turned out to be Fane’s blasted cousin, Casimir, with a demigoddess mother and a wolf shifter sire. Honestly, it was frustrating enough to make me scream.
I have been defending myself against my enemies, who wish to thwart my plans. That’s a good word, don’t you think? Thwart. But I shall come back to that later.
That was when I found Kurt. So well behaved, so bloodthirsty, so adoring of his Queen namely, me. But I wanted more. To be in real control, I had to be able to move topside, and I needed troops who were fanatically loyal to me. So, I conceived the project.
Christopher Mason: model inspiration for Kurt Leineke
The effects of the project have been detailed in the ‘Hellfire Pack’ stories, from … Botherations, that’s right. I forgot to mention another who has turned her back on the ways of destruction, the Egyptian, Sekhmet. She had waded in, why, I can’t think, but she had. The result, I had not just one of her elites, Merysekhmet they called themselves, but two of them: Ramses and Elizabeth.
Then there was the potential from Dylann, the mate of Josh Abbott, but her Mate proved to be quite strong. He referred to himself as a ‘Marine’. Did that have something to do with it? If it did, then I will not make the mistake of using another like him.
But the project had attracted the attention of some human authorities, but only because they thought it related to my pet humans. Terrorists, they were called. Their twisting of Islam, the upstart religion that it was, was music to me. But these humans seemed smarter. Evolution has caused more trouble that it is worth. Special Forces from England, supposedly the best at what they did.
Setbacks, after several thousand years are all very well, but this was becoming a joke and a very unamusing one at that, since now I was facing one of my dear Fane’s Pack. The circle is complete, it seems. Adam Anghelescu and his Mate, a skin-walker. I could not help clapping my hands. A female with the ability to adopt the face of anyone. The possibilities were endless.
The barriers thrown up against the bad guys of a novel can be quite trying. Let’s look at some of them, because I and my brethren wish to make one thing quite clear. We are not:
Failure to consider a heretofore hidden ability of the good guys
Incompetent or lacking in intelligence
Deficient in fighting ability
Bound to be turned to the good side
Inability to learn from mistakes
The author of this book series used to write roleplay. She was asked to write a male character. However, the female who led the group never wished the character to win. Every time it seemed he would gain the upper hand, the heroine would produce some miraculous power to overcome him.
RULE #1: Don’t try to defeat us with the hero or heroine ‘pulling a rabbit out of a hat’.
Incompetence. Please, do me a favour. I am Lamashtu of Sumeria. I existed as a goddess before most of humanity lived in more than caves. I know more ways of killing than anyone that walks the world today. And, more importantly, I am capable of adapting to changing times.
RULE #2: Do not underestimate our intelligence
This runs on to the third point. If the bad guy can arm or disarm a variety of explosives, know ways to kill, know ways to torture, clearly we are not lacking in intelligence. That is why we adapt our methods.
Deficient in fighting ability. So we all have our favourite techniques, but again, please use your brains! I have been around for millenia. I am an intelligent, adaptable being. That means I can learn to fight. No one style has superiority over another. At my level of the game, I expect my opponents to be good.
RULE #3: Make it interesting. Use at least two fighting styles if we are to come to blows.
Bound to be turned to the light side: Again, why? There will always be weak choices. Fane was part of a bigger plan, as was his damned cousin. But, trust me, if I have not folded yet, why will I?
RULE #4: Turning away from the dark side is so predictable. Some baddies actually enjoy their work.
Learn from mistakes. This is particularly relevant in a series. So, the hero or heroine has managed to defeat us. Don’t you think that when we retire to lick our wounds, we will analyse how we were beaten? That returns us to the assumption of a lack of intelligence.
Four rules which my dear author uses. But, those considerations are only part of it. They are just four very common mistakes which my author has seen in roleplay and in published work. Avoidable mistakes. I am sure other people can think of a few more. Just remember these four and it is at least a start.
LINKS TO THE BOOKS IN THE DIARIES OF THE CWN ANNWN and HELLFIRE PACK SERIES
How many times have you heard that line? At work, with the classic advice of find a job you enjoy? That is closely followed by ensuring you have a good work/life balance. Companies will have their policies, probably including some of the following in terms of protecting one’s own health:
Be aware of issues such as back pain, musculoskeletal disorders, eye-stress and strain
Stress and anxiety
Mental and physical fatigue
Threatening or bullying behaviour
This will be followed by advice to report it to a line manager or HR, because, of course, your employer has your best interests at heart. You might even believe that, in terms of a happy workforce is a productive workforce. The problems occur when the ‘management’ come from a different generation, where ‘risk-aware’ meant ‘get rid of the problem before its existence becomes known by others’.
In the face of that, is it surprising that work/life balance may not exist?
So returning to that idea of balance. Apart from a three year period in the mid-1990s, I have always worked full-time. In the 2001 census, that meant a 60 hour week. Wait just a second. If you work 60 hours, and you sleep 11pm to 6am (35 hours), have a bit of a lie in at the weekend (18 hours). There are 282 hours in a week. Work and sleep is 113 hours. So, that leaves 169 hour as time with significant others.
That’s cool, because that’s 38 more hours spent not working or sleeping. No problem. Balanced. And, as a bonus point, balanced in favour or downtime. But, remember, I am also working this out from:
A working mother’s perspective
Someone trying to write and self-publish her own novels.
Oh, and don’t want to hear that nonsense about shared parenting and the sharing of household tasks. Great in theory but does it happen for the majority. So we will just cut to the chase. Yes, you may well be spending time with your family, but it is eating, shopping, laundry, housework. When do you sit down? When do you relax? When are you not a wife, a mother?
When do you truly have ‘me’ time? When do you have the time to do something just for you?
This was the point that my therapist made to me. When did I do something that made me happy? Writing whilst cooking? Writing when I have insomnia? Thinking about plots when driving? And, it was not just my writing. How often had I put my dream of learning to ride a motorbike? When we are on holiday, do I have the chance to paint?
It made me think. Part of self-publishing is the promotional side. If readers don’t know you are out there, they won’t buy your books. Simple as that. My WordPress stats showed I hadn’t posted for several months. Facebook reminded me that my followers hadn’t heard from me in my author page. The 600+ people following my Hunter’s Arrow page hadn’t heard from me in a while either. That self-promotion stuff takes time.
Time. Timely-wimey. Wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey.
Damn, but the therapist was right. Doing things that I enjoyed had become a guilty pleasure, one that didn’t deserve time in my schedule. This is the reality of being a self-published author, as many of us know. But don’t mistake my words for a whinge. It was a wake-up call, because it is all to easy for our pleasure, the one thing that should make a writer smile, become a chore.
Make yourself happy.
No, that doesn’t mean give up writing if it becomes a chore. For me, what it has meant is when the little voice in my head says, “You can’t afford motorbike lessons.”, there is a countering voice saying, “Yes, you can. After all this time, you can.”
How does that translate into my writing? It means making it clear that ‘that hour’ is writing time and I am not to be interrupted unless the house is on fire. Similarly, if I put aside time for promotional work. That is a necessary part of my writing. It is not me ‘playing’ in Facebook and social media. It is part and parcel of my wanting to stand a chance of my books selling more than a single copy. I know writing won’t replace my day job, but I would like to have something to show for the time I spend putting pen to paper.
For the record, since my therapist asked me that question, I have booked the motorbike lessons, I have bought the Royal Enfield Bullet in the picture at the top. I have taken time to edit, have critiqued and re-edit the next book I want to publish.
‘Me’ time.
It matters. We owe it to ourselves because no one else will grant it to us.
LINKS TO THE BOOKS IN THE DIARIES OF THE CWN ANNWN and HELLFIRE PACK SERIES
Excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor having been scouring the Internet for pictures to illustrate this piece. Throughout my writing, I make no bones about the the fact that I love motorbikes. I am a biker by proxy, at least until I can afford to take my test and buy a bike. In the meantime, my son is the biker in our family.
From the outset, my characters have been bikers. There is a whole image thing here: the tough guy stereotype, either a modernised version of the outlaw biker stereotype of 1970s America or the street-smart crotch rocket racer. In Bound, Fane Anghelescu and his sister establish Chain & Sprocket, which I named after a pub in Peterborogh in the UK. Fane was the bad boy, the Hellhound Alpha. Yet despite Chain & Sprocket being in the USA, he didn’t ride a Harley Davidson cruiser or a custom chopper. Even at that early stage, I wanted Fane to be different. Sure, his bike had been customised, but it was subtle, in a way that a biker would appreciate. And it wasn’t a common old Harley. Fane was different. So his bike was different. He rode a Triumph Rocket 3 Touring.
The Pack did customise bikes since they were ‘hiding’, but once Roxana died, the bikes changed. I introduced a new character, in Drax Anghelescu, and his favourites were the classic British marques: Triumphs from the 1960s, BSAs, AJS before the marque was ruined through moving manufacturing to China. The Pack didn’t have to conform. If anything, they shouted their differences from the rooftops and it showed in the bikes.
But the reason for this piece is to address another matter. When I was discussing the choice of bike for Casmir Gosselin with a biker friend, I described his traits. My friend felt that it had to be a Harley. Casimir was the bad guy. Bad guys rode Harleys. So what did I choose? I went for a Ducati Diavel. Why? Stereotypes are all very well. But as has been demonstrated by groups such as the American Patriot Riders, or the bikers against bullying, not all Harley riders are bad. Casimir was a far more complex creature than everyone saw, and I wanted his bike to reflect that.
The other thing I wanted to mention was a plea. If you are going to use bikes to illustrate a piece of writing, please be consistent. Recently, I was asked to join a fan-fiction group in which the characters were described as speed-loving. They drove Maseratis, the family had their own car racing team. I had to leave because it was clear that the other writers were both clueless and unwilling to learn. One is okay, but both? Nope! The story in question started with a man and woman on a Lambretta, a bit like this:
Then, inexplicably, they moved to one of these:
This was in the same story. The final straw was that they took the bike up to 200mph. Remember my biker friend? He rides his Aprilla for pleasure around Brands Hatch, a race track in the UK. He has video shot of him riding down the back strait at 150mph, solo, without a passenger. My biker son laughed at the alleged speed of 200mph, saying the bike would vibrate to pieces.
So, if you do plan to use bikes in your writing, check your facts, your illustrations and your narrative. Your potential readers may be bikers and your credibility will disappear faster than the proverbial melting snowball in the Sahara.
Everyone has to start writing somewhere. Five years ago, I stated writing fan fiction, when previously, I had only written novel-type stories. It opened my eyes to some of the different styles of writing out there. Make no mistake, it takes all sorts to please all people. But, and this is the tricky bit, I changed how I wrote, wanting to improve, wanting to be like the authors whom I idolise. Your character might spend less than half a page on that bike, but somewhere you had to read up on why that brand, why that particular model, why that road?
I guess what I am trying to emphasise is whether you are writing about motorbikes, or boats or anything, if you want to be taken ‘seriously’, then you have to be willing to learn. As you learn, it will show in the quality of your writing. I would like to think that those who read my books might notice that effort, but maybe they won’t. That’s okay though, because the sternest critic of quality of my work will always be me anyway.
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Book Links
“Bound”, Volume 1 of The Diaries of the Diaries of the Cŵn Annwn currently free on Kindle Unlimited
RULE #1: Don’t try to defeat us with the hero or heroine ‘pulling a rabbit out of a hat’. 
RULE #2: Do not underestimate our intelligence
RULE #3: Make it interesting. Use at least two fighting styles if we are to come to blows.
If you work 60 hours, and you sleep 11pm to 6am (35 hours), have a bit of a lie in at the weekend (18 hours). There are 282 hours in a week. Work and sleep is 113 hours. So, that leaves 169 hour as time with significant others.
Katie Vincent: The Autistic Romance Author 