So, I was in a foul mood earlier, but now … what made a difference? Yes, sending off my Appraisal form to the boss. Now I can forget about it until Friday.

Now I shall relax a bit, and turn my mind to my stress-relief, which is my writing, and in particular, pulling all the chapters of the last but one work in progress into one document. That way, I can keep an eye on consistency in the earlier books.

But that damn black dog. I don’t mind admitting it. My first encounter with yon black dog was just after my son was born, 22 years ago. Periodically, it rears its head again, that voice that tells me I am not good enough. Strange how it hits at appraisal time.

What can I do about it? I can ensure that the niggling voice which tells me I am not good enough is silenced, or at least pushed into the corner where it belongs. I can look at the feedback I receive from my friends and my family, the people whom I trust to be honest. They are the ones who matter to me.

Mental illness, depression, is still a taboo subject. Now, with employers putting more and more pressure on individuals, any weakness is something unwelcome. Don’t delude yourself that they care. All that matters is the bottom line. The ones that care are closer to home: your family, your true friends. They are the ones who will understand. So it took me a couple of decades to learn that lesson, but there you go.

What is it about that time of year … The Annual Performance Review, a time for ‘the management’ to make themselves feel good. No, no! It is a time for you to put yourself forward, to show what you can do and what you have achieved. It is your time to shine, and to blow your trumpet, because the Gods know, no one else is going to do it.

Excuse me while I reach for the bucket/bin/paper bag …

In case I wasn’t clear, I hate the annual performance review, because after 20 years in sales, one thing has become apparent. A salesperson is hired to sell. Fail to achieve your target and it doesn’t matter one whit what else you have done, whether you have glowing references from your customers, whether someone else caused a problem. Fail to hit your sales target and you have failed. End of story.

The thing is, how do you take it? Sales is a tough game. Even tougher than it was when I started. I am a third-generation salesperson as well, courtesy of my grandfather in India and my father here. So, if anything could be send to be a part of my genetic material, it was a career in sales. Like I said, the field of sales in which I work has changed dramatically, and as this is written under my real name, that’s all I will say on that one. Other than last year, I did not hit my sales target.

The reasons don’t matter. What matters is what I will do about it.

I don’t mean what wonderful plans I will put in place, what projects I will set up. I don’t mean how much more proactive I will be in the follow up of those projects. I don’t mean whether I will let a setback be a problem or an opportunity to change the game plan.

Whoops! Need that bucket again …

Okay, what I will do is I will examine what went wrong, because if I didn’t achieve my target, then clearly something went wrong. To me, that was my innocent belief that somehow my colleagues and I are in this game together. To be blunt, no we are not. It is a lonely old world out there, and when it comes down to it, the only one who will look out for you is … you. So, big girl panties pulled up, and a tough dose of realism.

Whether you are trying to make it in a sales career, maintain the impetus in a sales career, advance up the career ladder, the message is still the same. Only you can make the difference in what happens. I am sure others will say they are there to support you, but if there was one lesson I learned in reviewing my performance for The Appraisal, it was that their support will disappear faster than snow on the Equator.

Rely on yourself. Simple as that. Your dream. Your reality.